Sleep

I love sleep.

I love that sleep usually comes quite easily to me now that I am a mom.

It used to be that sleep would take an average of 45 minutes to arrive once my head hit the pillow.

Not anymore.

10-15 minutes is probably the norm for me now.

Which I greatly appreciate!

I love getting my 8-10 hours of sleep per night, but that doesn't always happen.

Take the last 2 nights for example.

Picture me, sound asleep for approximately 3 hours. Enter groggy Ella at 2 am. She tries to climb into bed with me (John is still at work) and I silently protest the rude awakening. I manage to half-sleepwalk her back to her room to tuck her in, and crawl back into my bed and reenter my peaceful sleep.

Fast forward 20 minutes.

Enter slightly less groggy Ella. Since I was just able to fall back asleep I am really not fond of this second visit. I walk her back to her room again.

Fast forward 30 minutes. I still haven't fallen back asleep. Enter Ella again. My patience is starting to wear thin so I take her to the bathroom and give her a sip of water, before tucking her back into bed.

Fast forward 10 minutes. John has just gotten home and he crawls into bed. I try to ignore him, since I've been awake for close to an hour and would rather be sleeping.

Fast forward 5 minutes. Enter Ella. (Are you kidding me?!?) John, who thinks I'm sleeping at this point, gets up to deal with her. He is back in bed shortly.

Fast forward 10 minutes. (Agh!!) I get up, again, and rather rudely protest the frequency of Ella's late-night visits (aka yelling in a whisper voice). I climb back into bed.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Well okay, there was no lather at 3:30 am, or rinsing either for that matter. But this pattern did repeat several times.

Finally John said, why don't you let her stay in bed with us? I won't mind.

Yeah, because she never sleeps on your side and only clings to me anyways, and you can sleep through just about anything.

I replied with a "no, it just makes my neck sore when she sleeps in our bed."

I got up a few more times with Ella and finally at 4:20 I gave in and let her stay in our bed.

There is John, sleeping away and enjoying his half of the bed all to himself. And then, there is Ella in the "middle", squished up against me while I cling to the edge of the bed so that I don't fall off. Obviously I wasn't going to be able to sleep while in that precarious position.

Finally around 5 am, when I knew that Ella was sleeping soundly, I carried her back to her room for the last time.

Fortunately it didn't take me too long to fall asleep after those few hours of frustrating alertness.

Last night began similarly but it worked out well that John was home due to an earlier shift as he gets ready for the day shift today. We each were up with Ella a few times last night.

Finally John threatened a spank if she got out of bed any more.

Yeah, that's right!

We didn't see her again until 8:30 this morning. She cautiously got out of bed to see John, who was already up getting ready for work. Her very first words were "aren't you going to spank me?"

Ah, poor girl.

Even with all the frustration of lack of sleep....I love her dearly.

I love having her tiny little body curled up next to mine.

I love the sound of her warm breath in my ear.

I love the peacefulness she gets when she can just stay near me.

Will I enjoy it when these sleepness nights are over? Absolutely!

Will I miss the closeness we enjoy even at 4 am? Definitely.

Will I always be there to hold her in the middle of the night?

I think of the book "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch. It is one of my favorite books to read, and I always get a little choked up when I read it. The mother has this unconditional love for her child, even when she feels like nothing is going the way she wants it to. Every night, after her son goes to sleep, she watches him and all the bad stuff is forgotten and forgiven.

This is the way I want to parent. Even on days when my girls drive me crazy, or I can't seem to get sleep in the middle of the night. In the midst of all of that, I love them!

So the answer is yes. I will always be there for her. Even if I have to sacrifice my valued sleep. It's worth it!