I used to sing a lot of solos in church.
And every time that I did, my mom would be wiping away the tears.
I really never understood the need for her to cry every time.
Was I really that bad??? (Just kidding mom!)
I guess this is one of those things that just doesn't make sense until you have children of your own.
Like the very first night that Brianna was born.
Now obviously I was a little exhausted, what with the labor and delivery and all, and the hormones were all over the place. But I remember John walking the hallways with this tiny little being snuggled up on his chest. I remember eating my jello (the best tasting jello in the world too...which may have something to do with the exhaustion) and bursting into tears.
Those tears were truly tears of joy. I felt elated at the prospect of my husband snuggling with our firstborn. And there is something truly beautiful about the gentle way a man becomes with his daughters.
Take yesterday for example.
We were all outside doing some yard work. I was pulling weeds (yes weeds!!) from the garden and John was bagging some leaves from around the yard.
Suddenly Brie sends off the alarm that a mass murderer is holding her at ransom. She screamed louder than she has ever screamed before and we assumed that she was losing limbs and was being completely tortured.
The enemy?
A ladybug.
A totally and completely harmless ladybug.
You know those cute little things with the black spots?
Yeah, our sweet little girl thinks that these monsters are going to kill her, and therefore she needs to alert everyone in a 50-block radius as to the presence of those evil insects.
I was not very patient with her fear, working away in my little garden, but all of a sudden I see John with her.
He gently spoke with her and eventually worked up her courage to look at a ladybug from a distance. He asked me to find one to show her. I think God knew she would need a hand in this area so my eyes fell on a ladybug that had just been swatted by our cat Bailey's tail.
It was an injured bug.
John picked it and kept saying "Ah, the poor little guy. Look, his leg is hurt. Poor guy".
Well that sure appealed to her sense of compassion. She lost her fear for this particular bug because he was hurt.
My mommy heart swelled in that wonderful moment!
Anyways, back to my mom crying....
Tonight, we had the privilege of watching Brie perform in the year end dance recital. Last year was her first year and I remember getting all teary-eyed seeing her grinning up on the big stage. Silly me kinda thought that I wouldn't do this again this year. But the sense of pride, joy and love is so strong in those moments that I just about fall apart!
Apparently this will be an ongoing thing for me over these upcoming years! I guess I should just learn to bring kleenex with me from now on.
Brie's group did a fantastic job dancing to the "Mickey Mouse" song. She looked absolutely beautiful and her wonderful smile lit up the whole room. Afterwards, I had a card and a carnation ready to give to her but I knew that John was waiting in the lobby to give her a little greeting before heading to work, as he came in his uniform. So I quickly handed over the card and flower before going backstage to pick her up.
She was ecstatic at performing so well and she literally dragged me down to the end of the long hallway, but she didn't know that John was at the end. He had snuck around a corner and at the last minute came out of hiding. With tears in his eyes, he handed her the card and flower. She was beaming from ear to ear!
Minutes later, John told me that I could have been the one to give it to her, but I much prefer it this way! Sure I get all choked up watching him kneel down to hug our little girl, but it is such a beautiful moment that I wouldn't want it any other way. I think that for little girls, those kind of gestures are more meaningful if they come from their dads anyways. And my mommy heart goes into overdrive.
But it's so worth it!
So for now, I will continue to pack the kleenex.
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